She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
