I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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