Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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