Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
