People in love make me want to vomit
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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