Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
