You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
