Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
