wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
