I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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