I hate all girls vehemently.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
