She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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