u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
