I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
