he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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