apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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