We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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