Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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