some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
