she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
