At least make sure they are 18
Why
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
