i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
