i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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