We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
