I love black thongs
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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