the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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