the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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