i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
