Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
