i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
