my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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