Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
