when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
