youre lurking in front of me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
