you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
