Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
