Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Lo siento on account of my penis...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
