I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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