ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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