so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
