Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
