I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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