I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
