i was born a porn star she said
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize