Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
