i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
