Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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