roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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