you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
