please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
