I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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