I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
