put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
