Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I would fuck him just for his dog
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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