Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
