I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
