I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize