One girl and one boy is just not enough.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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