She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize