I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
