At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he was CRYING into my vagina
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
