just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
