How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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