party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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