Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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