she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
