She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
4 words: hood of his car
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
