His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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