Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
